The past 3 years have been a whirlwind of changes & different emotions! It went from a friendship turning into a relationship and that relationship turning into the chapter of parenthood. Grant and I have had a very fun relationship, we’re the best of friends and we share everything together! He has been my greatest support through so many stresses in my life and he has been incredibly patient with me. I had stresses with workplace bullying along with chronic pain relating to my endo and because of this combination made my anxiety a nightmare to handle. I didn’t even know what I needed to feel better about myself.. I know I’m not the only out there who has felt this way on a few occasions I’m sure.
Moving in with Grant was very early in our relationship, we had only been together a few months. It was not long after my second surgery for endo that I was notified that the lease for the rental property I was in was coming to an end and the owner was not renewing the lease. Grant asked me to move in and I would be able to pay off my old debts from my marriage and previous hospital visits. I had felt so relieved knowing that I have a chance to get my life back on track. Slowly but efficiently I was paying off my debts, finally!! Anyone who knows me understands that I am a very impatient person, especially when I see my efforts paying off, and because of this I was very keen to get back out in my own place hopefully with Grant.
This was a very difficult discussion to start, I was terrified, of Grant not wanting the same things as I did or potentially not wanting to leave home (being as that’s where we were living). Why would anyone want to leave home especially if they have cheap board to pay and basically have everything done for them, I know a lot of people who wouldn’t. There were lots of arguments and me feeling like I was caught between a rock and a hard place due to the fact I wanted two things. One – I wanted to move out of his parents home. Two – I wanted to keep living with Grant. I had no idea what to do and after many discussion with my parents and many arguments with Grant, I had finally gotten to a point where I had to make a decision. I planned on moving out regardless so it was just a matter of when. After again many arguments and discussion with Grant, we had decided to save up some money before looking at rentals. We both felt that buying was just going to be really difficult and take a long time to save for, plus it didn’t help that me being impatient was a factor in this.
There were many stresses along the way too, we had experienced miscarriages and my mental health had its ups and downs. We were both fed up with how our situation was affecting us as a couple and individually. Moving out happened sooner than initially planned. I was unable to obtain a line of credit or get a loan to get us started so Grant went and got the loan for us. We found a house we liked and we moved within the fortnight. Along with the decision to move out we decided that we wouldn’t use any birth control anymore. We believe our miscarriages were a combination of birth control and stress. I couldn’t believe it, we were in our own house and at the same time both decided that we wouldn’t prevent falling pregnant. I was finally starting to feel relaxed and I felt like this was a big step in the right direction for us.
We moved into our house in December of 2016 and we spent 2 months enjoying our time together and getting set up. Many nights were spent drinking by the pool trying to get through the summer heat, so many fun nights and felt like we were closer than ever!! Then the most amazing thing happened, I realised I was pregnant!!! I remember working two jobs and I had been working seven days a week for the previous 5 months to try and get some extra money in the bank or at least to pay off our collective debts from moving out. I remember being at my main job and for 3 days I had been dozing off at my desk from 3pm but no reason why. I had put it down to working 2 jobs was catching up with me and I would have to drop some shifts at my second job. Not that I did, because why would I do that? I’m just tired, surely it will pass. For about a week I felt this way and had this thought that I had to be pregnant because there was no other logical explanation, I had been working 60 plus hours a week for months and now all fo a sudden I’m tired?! Doesn’t add up, so I went a bought a box of pregnancy tests (5 in a box). I took one test on a Friday evening before I started my shift at my second job and it was negative… I felt a little disheartened but not convinced so I figured I’ll take one first thing the next morning! Yep… negative again.. At this point I just let it go because I would find out in a couple of weeks when I was due for my period.
Two weeks had passed and I was a couple of days late according to my calculations. Again, didn’t think much of it at the time.. Still was experiencing tiredness on the daily and now my boobs were sore!! I never get sore boobs as a symptom prior to my period, ever! So I took another pregnancy test and yes it was positive, I raced into our bedroom and woke Grant up to tell him! He was very very tired and half asleep but I had no time to stay and try to keep him awake. So I went to work super excited and very impatient for the work day to be over. I knew that I needed to arrange a doctors appointment and soon! Something felt different about this pregnancy and I just knew that would be the one that sticks! The following day was a Saturday and by then I had taken a total of 3 pregnancy test all 3 positive!!
Grant was still a little cautious being that we had previously experienced miscarriages and understandably so. I couldn’t contain my excitement and so that Wednesday we went for an ultrasound to confirm there was in fact an embryo attached to the uteran wall. I cried the minute I saw that little black bubble on the monitor. It was then that I knew that the life I had growing inside of me, was here to stay.