I wish I knew.
I wish I knew when or if the pain is coming back.
I wish I knew if I have the ability to have a second child.
I wish, I wish, I wish….
I could keep wishing but the fact is it won’t change my fear of Endometriosis. I remember the pain it caused me, how much it cost me in loss of wages and how much it impacted my mental health.
I understand that my body is still changing and adjusting to motherhood but I haven’t experienced any pain relating to my condition in over a year and I feel extremely fortunate to have experienced an entire year without worrying about endo and its symptoms. I spent the best part of 5 years in chronic pain without a reason and then spent the next 4 reeling from my diagnosis – I explained in my post Endometriosis; You are not alone!
I now have an amazing baby girl who is 4 months old at the end of the month! I am so lucky to have her. My fears extend beyond having a sibling for her. If the pain comes back will I be able hide that pain from her, I don’t want her to see me in pain – ever!
I’m returning to work soon and I am scared that it will affect me again. I could lose part of my income because of it. I have for almost 10 years. I’ve looked at my salary in previous jobs and then I feel I hav to deduct at least a quarter of that to budget from because it was guaranteed I would have a flare up, I never knew when though and that was emotionally draining.
I’m making changes this year, in hopes that it will assist me in coping with pain better (if it comes back) and for general health reasons. Any other bloggers out there experiencing this? Or recommend other blogs that talk about this topic? Leave the link of the blog below so I can check them out because I can do all the research in the world but sometimes, I like to read or chat to others who can relate. Does that make sense?
I hope so.