Deflated

Just one of those days where we were non stop all day and essentially achieved nothing. Both myself and Grant were having a lazy Sunday and just wanted to relax, possibly play some games while Willow was happy watching us. Not entirely that easy unfortunately since today was a hard day for Willow, she was fine for a little bit today but mostly she was just unsettled and we couldn’t figure out why.

It was frustrating becuase we both wanted us time but also wanted to keep Willow happy and have family time. Grant had plans for this holiday week and to be honest so did I, but I guess I was more prepared to have those expectations change because I do it every day. On the other hand Grant was frustrated because it’s slowly sinking in how hard parenthood is and how demanding a baby is. We love Willow and wouldn’t change anything about our lives especially now because she is the best thing to ever happen to both of us, however I do wish I didn’t take for granted the time I had before her. So many things I was told that I didn’t believe until she was born.

I really wish I could do something to make everything easy because the adjustment to being a parent has made us tired and frustrated. Although in saying that, every single fucking time Will smiles, all that frustration and all that tiredness just vanishes. How the fuck does that even happen? I never knew she had that kind of power over us. Another thing we were told about but didn’t believe.

Grant feels like we aren’t “us” anymore and to an extent we aren’t but we are working on it. In all honesty, being a mum has taken priority and being a wife has taken a backseat (kind of) especially since going back to work. I remember feeling like this about a month or so ago and Grant kept telling me it’s ok and I was feeling far from it, I think now he understands what and why I waa feeling the way I was.

I hope that he feels better soon and hopefully we can find some structure in amongst this chaos. I don’t want to lose who I am and I’m sure we will figure out a strategy that works.

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